Mom Answers Important Questions From Opponent

For anybody who doesn't think I'm a serious candidate, think again. I got some very important questions on this blog already, and I just announced my campaign today.

That's what happens when your last name is unique yet instantly recognizable around the world. My opponents have no chance against me. No chance at all.

What follows is my response to Libertarian Presidential Candidate Kent McManigal and I'm sure everyone will find those answers to be both brilliant and thought-provoking.

Hiya, Kent, and thanks for blogging. That's showing good leadership.

I will answer your very important issue questions in the order received, although of course like any good President I reserve the right to later say I didn't say what I said:

"Wanna debate?"

Sure, that would be a lot of fun. We could have the very first blogospheric debates in history. Sure, it'll be a pain in the ass for people to go back and forth between our blogs, but that's their problem, not ours.


"Paper or plastic?"

Paper. Plastic takes too long to biodegrade and, even more importantly, it doesn't keep my groceries upright in the trunk.


"Do you plan any hunger strikes?"

I would, except that, if I lost too much weight, everybody would then automatically assume I'm a supermodel rather than a serious Presidential candidate. I therefore don't see the publicity value in starving myself, unless of course I simultaneously shave my head, wear a toga, perform an exorcism, and threaten to set myself on fire.


"If not togas, what about suits of armor?"

I can wear a dress ... er, I mean, a toga ... without looking like a really ugly cross-dresser. My opponent Gene Chapman can't make that claim, and I doubt you can either. That's yet another important reason why everyone in America should vote for "Mom" in the 2008 elections!

I'm kinda petite, so the suit of armor might be a bit much for me. I might make my Halloween Advisor wear one, though.


"Does it really depend on what the definition of "is" is?"

Yes, it does, and in fact that is the most important question facing our great country today. See, "is" is a real word, unless you're under investigation while President. Then, its definition mysteriously becomes so ambiguous that not even Daniel Webster could define it. I plan to use that Presidential prerogative to my full advantage, especially if Brad Pitt visits the White House.


"Does this make my butt look fat?"

No, your butt does not look fat in that. Wait a minute - are you trying to tell me that my butt looks fat in this? Damn, now I'm going to have to change clothes. Gee, thanks, Kent. Thanks a lot.