For General Release:
Author, journalist, and general-purpose smartass ElfNinos Mom has announced her intention to seek the 2008 Presidential Nomination from all US political parties, including but not limited to the Democratic, Republican, Green, and Libertarian parties.
Asked why she is running a pseudo-campaign, Mom replied, "Look, evil prevails when good men (and women) fail to act. You know, and I know, that no one outside the mainstream is going to win this election. But look around us. There is evil everywhere, especially in the upper echelons of our government. By evil, I'm not referring to a biblical type of evil, but simply men and women who are beyond amoral when it comes to their chosen cause. I may not be able to win, but if I can reach the minds and hearts of some, whether through serious statements or humor, and make them realize that we have no choice but to stand up to the powers that be if we are to end this evil and take back our country, then my actions - or antics, as the case may be - will not have been in vain."
Asked why she was running for the nomination of so many different parties, when she herself is a Democrat-turned-Libertarian, she responded, "Why should I put all my eggs in one basket? If one party doesn't like me, another one will. It doesn't matter what party I'm representing, because my views are my views, and that won't change no matter what label is placed on them. Plus, I'm looking forward to making 200K a year for pissing off millions of people every time I open my mouth."
Asked to comment on her competition, Mom stated, "Well, look at them. In the Libertarian Party we've got a guy who wears a toga, a filthy-mouthed comedian, a pothead, a worldwide ink demand specialist (whatever the hell that is), and a wannabe model/actress who seems to be stalking the ghost of John Denver. In the Green Party, we've got .... well, the same people who always run, and always lose. In the Democratic Party, we've got some guy who's not much more than a child, with only one term in Congress, which he thinks qualifies him for the Presidency. We've got the wife of an ex-President, known mostly for turning the other cheek when her husband was acting like a man-whore. In the Republican Party, we've got mostly a bunch of short-bus graduates from families with money and Ron Paul, who has some decent ideas but otherwise is a laughingstock since he seems to be at least peripherally connected to groups like the 9-11 truthers. I'm just as qualified as any of them, since at least my sanity isn't in question, and my name - "Mom" - is the most highly recognized and respected name in the world. There's nothing more American than Mom, as we are all well aware. So I figure I'll win in a landslide, especially if I use a catchy campaign song."
Mom will announce her platform, campaign song, and campaign staff in the coming days, all of which is expected to contain some surprises. "I can't tell you details right now, but I guarantee you'll be astonished at the level of expertise I sought."
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Wanna debate? Good to see you "blogging for the people"! LOL Where do you stand on the issues? Paper or plastic? Do you plan any hunger strikes? If not togas, what about suits of armor? Does it really depend on what the definition of "is" is? Does this make my butt look fat?
Ok, I'll leave you alone for now to digest those hard-hitting questions.
Kent :D
Oops, I must have accidentally deleted my own comment while copying and pasting for the main blog, LOL. That's okay, it's posted on the main site now anyway.
This is Texino the campaign manager and cut man.
We are obviously hanging around waiting for some matching funds and looking at some designer platforms. We have some basic advantages in that our candidate is very bright, is trained in the law but, importantly, does not hold a law degree. Another thing is she is attractive and the sexually active voter would not have to make any kind of stretch to imagine being in a relationship with the petit President. I mean check it at the door, the only woman in the present admin with any gear at all is Condie Rice and she is probably a virgin. Now I don't want people getting the idea that ENM has loose morals. Not at all; I'm just saying she is not some uptight know it all like some other Gals who might be running. We will talk some more on this or any subject because ENM is not afraid to say what needs to be said and do it in a way where there will be little chance of misunderstanding. Check this out. Now I have not OK'd this with Mom yet but it's a good idea and she's bound to like it. Say we catch Osama Bin Laden. I am calling this a capital punishment no-brainer. After all, the at keeps showing up on video tape reminding everyone that he is the guy, right? OK? Well lets set up a decent execution. Firing Squad would work. Puts him outside where a lot of folks could watch. Now right before we give him the gun, we will say "Do you have anything you would like to say?" Well, you know he will, so right as he gets ready to lay it down about Allah and all that, we get Mr. Bill Gates himself to come out and paste Osama in the face with a big cream pie! Then we shoot him. How about that folks? Osama going to say nothing with a face and mouth full of pie and Gates is always getting hit with pies himself, but he has turned out to be an OK guy, so let him give the signal and it's going to look funny so even little kids can watch and no one will call politically incorrect. What you think?
Pretty sweet! OK, I'm Texino campaign manager and cut man. I'm not running for anything, but how about you check out Elfniño's Mom for President!
Post a Comment