ElfNinosMom Announces Campaign Theme Songs

Presidential Candidate ElfNinos Mom announced today that she will enact a revolutionary way to attract voters from all walks of life: use multiple campaign songs. "I just thought I needed something that wingnuts of every flavor can relate to", she said in a telephone interview today. "The Democrats won't like the same song as the Libertarians, and the Libertarians won't like the same songs as the Republicans. You get the idea."

The decision of which songs to use, however, wasn't easy. "Do you have any idea how much crap I had to listen to? I thought my ears were going to bleed before it was over with!"

Ms. Mom finally made a decision, though, thanks to the good old-fashioned common sense for which she is known. "I had to find something that would reflect the various segments of our society, but it had to be something I could stomach as well since I'll have to listen to them over and over again. We all know Bush engaged in public vomiting, and that didn't work out very well for him. Besides, I want people to laugh with me, not at me."

There were some serious considerations, though. "If I'm going to offend one part of the population, I have to be politically correct and offend them all equally." At the same time, Ms. Mom was very careful to not repeat the mistakes made in previous elections. "There's just no way I'm going to use any of that "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" crap."

Ms. Mom finally decided on the following songs to start her campaign:

For the Libertarians: "Hash Pipe" by Weezer


For the Democrats: "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger


For the Republicans: "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains


For the Religious Right: "God Am" by Alice In Chains


"This is the most important decision this campaign will face," Ms. Mom stated. "I'm not going to rush it, though I might eventually Rush it. I'll have to come up with more songs to fit other segments of society, but this will get us started."