Mom answers important question from campaign supporter

Quoth Webhick: "It is an excellent idea to utilize the Zombies as Federal non-employees. But Illuminati tests have conclusively proven that zombies will either gather in the men's bathroom and eat the urinal cakes or eat the No.2 pencils. How do you intend to prevent this from occurring?"

That's a fascinating question, Webhick; and how interesting that you should ask about both "number one" and "number two"!

The American people deserve an answer to this very important question, though; and as usual, only Mom knows how to solve the very real problems facing our great country today.

Certainly, the propensity of zombies to eat urinal cakes and No. 2 pencils is a serious concern for America. In rest stops, gas stations, and bars across our country, urinal cakes are greatly needed and are not generally replaced after they are eaten. In federal facilities for agencies such as the US Postal Service and Internal Revenue Service, where zombies far outnumber humans, urinal cakes and No. 2 pencils are now in great demand, as a result of the very problem which you have noted; yet the mainstream press has suppressed this serious problem from being exposed to the American people.

My plan for alleviating these problems is brilliant, yet simple. I shall enter an Executive Order upon election, dictating that no urinal cakes be utilized in any men's bathroom where zombies are employed. This means that men will be forced to use toilets rather than urinals, but I think they will eventually adjust since the average home does not have urinals, but only toilets. This will also alleviate the problem of men secretly comparing size while urinating side by side.

Insofar as the amount of money my plan will cost the government in increased water usage, I would instruct men using federal bathroom facilities to use the rule of "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down". This should in fact cause a significant savings to the federal government, which will be passed on to the taxpayers in the form of tax breaks for non-urinal usage.

Eventually, I would like to remove urinals across the country, not only to solve this problem, but also so that men will finally find out what it's like to be forced to wait for a stall. I believe in full equality, after all.

The pencil problem is a little less complicated, luckily. I shall simply enter an Executive Order dictating that No. 2 pencils shall not be used in any federal facility. They can instead use No. 1 pencils, which are softer but write darker; or No. 3 pencils, which are harder but write more lightly. They can also use pens, if they wish.

Thank you for your very important question, Webhick, and remember: Vote Mom in '08!