In response to my statement regarding urinal cakes and No. 2 pencils, my supporter Webhick was posed yet another question:
Male urination accuracy is a conundrum. They can write their name in the snow, but when you walk into the bathroom at two in the morning, the floor around the toilet is wet.
How do you propose to prevent men's rooms across this fine country from being a permanent slip-fall hazard?
That's a very good question, Webhick. Thank you for asking.
Not only are men's rooms a slip-fall hazard due to faulty directional acuity on the part of many men, they are also hygiene hazards. In other words, peeing on the floor is just plain nasty. Do women pee on the floor? Of course not! So where is the equality, I ask you?
As part of my comprehensive program to stop Zombies from eating the urinal cakes, by removing urinals from all bathrooms in federal facilities, I intend to start a national program to teach men across this great country to employ proper bathroom habits. Females don't pee standing up, so why should men? Furthermore, this will further my intention to force men into the traditionally female position of waiting for stalls, as part of my equal treatment for the sexes proposition.
I envision an America where bathrooms across this great country are no longer befouled by misdirected urine. I envision an America where males and females alike are subjected to the same bathroom conditions. I envision an America where we are all completely equal when it comes to bathroom habits. No more will women be forced to step in urine in the middle of the night. No more will men walk right into a stall, while women have to wait. We will finally be on equal footing, without anyone having to worry about losing that footing due to smelly nasty urine on the bathroom floor.
Does that sound like the America you'd like to see too? If so, remember: Vote Mom In '08!
